Friday night ride, asphalt , grass, air, trees, cooling off after a scorching day, the sun dying to get some rest on the tree tops, I was pumped up to ride, adventure, travel, see, smell, and feel life . The song was "BLACKEST DAY", by Joanne Shaw Taylor ,rock and roll blues, the media, valium, serotonin,dopamine, epinephrine, re-uptaking in brain cells at the speed of thought, that's a gillion miles per hour, traveling through portals of my mind only I dare to go to .
I think the scariest thing I face is myself, I attack me, I embrace me , I study me , I occasionally give me power, take a good long look, smell its roses then put me back in pandora''s box. Raised my head like a soaring eagle , surveying left and right , overseeing my territory, "the world'. I settled in a grove about 15 miles per hour, steady cruise, like a machine , pumping , breathing, pumping, breathing , pumping , breathing, perfect cadence. New song , "See you in Hell " by Monster Magnets, wow, inspirational. The Mississippi's still high, fast, and dangerous, It's only 5 feet below me, the swirling currents, driftwood, buoys, empty plastic bottles, gas cans, beer cans, and the occasional fishing cork thinking it still has a job to perform. The sun found a nest in the trees , darkness began to fall , I feared not darkness, only the evil hidden within, I ride with conquistador courage. New song " "That's how Strong My Love Is " by Otis Redding, great soul searcher, life without strong, raging, passionate, enduring love, existence not life...Otis wrings out my soul like a rag soaked in passion , love , wanting , needing, til it's limp dry and ready to soak up inspiration, hope, life and love again.
Physically I've become a machine, straight forward, smooth, eyes ahead, arms bent, knees together, kicking ass, owning the road. I note 100 feet on the right a group of teenagers at rivers edge , talking, smoking, laughing, coursing for no apparent reason like they do, I turned my attention back to the road in time to face a gray and black camouflage skate board perpendicular on the path, my front wheel crashes into its side flips it under my frame , I raise my right arm like a rodeo bull rider maintaining balance , my rear wheel flattens the offending toy, my balance heads me straight for the river , with both hands on the bars I hang on and prepare for the worst. Hit the water at 18 miles an hour, flipped sideways, took a deep breathe of air, submerged quickly , worked getting released from pedal straps. Sinking sideways attached to the bike, horrific, the conquistador will prevail, I flayed my arms , got my head to the surface and gulped air like a hooked river catfish, back down to the muddy murky abyss , struggling again I hit surface for more air to see I'm being current pulled into the mainstream. An eddy pulls me into it's death funnel sans bike, no more gasping for air , no chance to swim, muddy taste forced between my lips, ears still hear , the only sound is my struggle to live, briefly I crack my eyes, only to see blurry brown , burns my eyes, , close them ,. The urge to inhale is too strong , water rushes into my mouth , the pressure forces it into my stomach and lungs, I am drowning by all definitions. Mp3 player died long ago but the last song was still playing in my mind, it was " Somewhere over the Rainbow" sung by Catherine Mc Phee . Can't breathe, can't see, can't hear, still thinking, I'm overcome with submission, I relax and surrender my body to the depths of the murky, polluted, raging Mississippi. In 5 seconds my life flashed before my eyelids, mind was raging in its last few minutes, I'm in the catwalk behind the altar at St Josephs Church in my black cassock and neatly starched white cotta lighting beeswax candles on the Italian marble altar, I feel important, rich, special, holy, pure, it was the last time I felt that way about me. My body convulses trying to expel water and inhale air , I open my mouth wide to allow the mud to pass in and out still gagging me, convulsing my whole body. Suddenly the vision of me in a dark 2nd story project apartment leaning against a gray wall, black tapered shirt, blue jeans, Beatle boots, I throw back a wicker covered bottle of Chianti, red and sweet, my eyes fixed on the Eurasian girl on the other side of the room, I pull a crumpled pack of Winston's from my shirt pocket , popped one out and like a magician lit it with my zippo. On my first drag our eyes met again and I nodded toward the balcony, we met there. She was the steady girl of one of my friends inside the party, we kissed deeply till we were bored then returned to the party. My mouth is full of mud now and my body is starting to shut down, another convulsion, another flashback, I sit across the desk from my high school counselor, informing me my grades wouldn't allow me in college , I should learn a trade, like a plumber,carpenter, or butcher, or candlestick maker, I informed him , I was already cutting meat in a grocery in the French Quarter and making more money than he did, he shook his head , looked down, dismissed me. I'm spinning, deeper, water pressure surrounds my body and forces some watery mud out my mouth. Thoughts are slower and all feeling is gone, nothing to see,, feel , or hear, only impending death, the end, I'm looking to the famous white light , none yet, one more flash back , a hot spring day I dive into lake Pontchartrain off the seawall at Teak Beach like I've done so many times before, swam out about 50 feet , got cramps, swallowed water, yelled for help, convinced I would drown, relaxed, floated back to the seawall and since hadn't went into water over my head fearing I'd drown, my brain is shutti......................
