he has 5 or 6 fat cigars sitting there with him, I don't know how many he'll smoke but he puffs away at them . His gray hair , white shirt , suspenders and dark trousers are a give away that
he probably has a stressful job and it's what he does for relaxation and his wife runs him out the house maybe with a 12 gauge 3 inch magnum. Someday I'll stop and talk to him and get his life story, it's probably more interesting to me than to him. He kinda looks like PaPa Hemingway.
In younger years I've always been my hero, but in my waning years I'm impressed by some livers and lovers of life that knew how to live it and love it , Hemingway, Thoreau, Alby Mangles, Truman Gandy ,Joseph Campbell, Lance Armstrong and Guru S. Malady. Google them or send me a personal message and I'll tell you who they are and why. I'm cruising about 16 miles an hour , feeling good , feeling right, haven't eaten any bugs yet. It's hot like an oven, I could smell the Easy Off Oven Cleaner it was so hot. Drinking Gatorade and Propel from my Camelpak I had packed with Ice. I approached the Huey P Long bridge and needed to pee, it was too far to Audubon Park so just as I passed the Huey P , I remembered the abandoned road to the blackberry patch in the batture , it's wasn't quite dark yet but it's a secluded place to take a pee. I made the turn, down the gravel road into the wooded part of the batture , I stopped about 15 feet from the river , dismounted and facing some high briar's began my business. Suddenly I heard a rustling to the right side about 8 feet away, didn't see anything , finished my business and before mounting bike I took good look into the briar's and saw 2 red glowing balls, Huh I thought someone left their light out here, then the smell hit me, it was like a sardine that had been left out in the sun and regurgitated by a sick wild cat. It stunk. Closer look saw the lights moving , oh ,oh , it's eyes, it stood up , it took me 1 second to realize I needed to get on my bike and head for the levee fast, I placed a mental picture of it in my mind for later examination . Lets see I took inventory as I dashed to the levee, big red eyes, fangs, stood on hind legs but running on 4 , may have had horns, matted gray hair, growling like a dog, looked kinda like a dog but bipedal, holy shit it's a Chupacabra, the dreaded Central American goat blood sucker, I'm still racing him to the levee in hopes he'll give up on the levee like a dog does, he grabs my back wheel and swings me and the bike left and right , he had trouble stopping the wheel so I kept going , I finally hit the levee, rear tire flat, but I'm still pumping toward the Huey P. about 50 yards later I dare to turn around and look and he's gone, given up , can't keep up with me. Workers were surveying the bridge at the levee, I stopped to catch my breath , once I did so I blurted out , " did yall see him" "who," one man says "that thing chasing me " I reply loudly, "you didn't see the red eyed, gray haired, horned, fanged, bipedal thing chasing me" "no we didn't see anything ", I was confused, so I checked my back tire. Four bite holes and flat, "looks like you had a flat" one man states. I had more than that , I recount the story to them , they chuckled and went back to work . On with it then, I removed the tire, patched the inside of the holes and put a new tube, I felt a bump in the tire and reached in to find a tooth, more like a fang than a tooth , I turned to show the workers my proof but they were gone.. I put it in my jersey pocket and went on my ride. I completed my 35 miles the weather was righteous my legs were good and still shaken by this Chupacapra thing, Should I tell the Police, or just check in to River Oaks. Well I have proof. Got home called Marie to the garage, " your not gonna believe what happened to me ", I was attacked by a chupacapra and got away and pulled one of his fangs out of my tire and have it and the tire for proof,"oh lets see" see says, I reach in my Jersey , no tooth, I take it off and check it carefully and race to my back tire, I spin it slowly , no holes, no scratches no teeth, no teeth marks, I face the camera and the director says "cut" , then I wonder why is a camera crew and a director in my garage, guess I'm just lucky or as Truman Gandy would say, mummm,neee,ff,rreeed,again.
Saturday.
A much saner day. Left the house about noon , blazing hot, have plenty iced Propel and hot Gatorade, good day for pictures, I head west to see the levee at Ormond Blvd, they paved about a mile of it past Ormond, brand new fresh tar, smooth, clean except where a dog lover had his dog shit on the track to make sure it's a nuisance for everybody else. Only a pet lover would take his animal out on to a 130 degree tar path and have him walk bare pawed on it . Bright. They should walk barefooted with the dog. See a rider coming , It's my friend Vlad. We stop and chat a few minutes then head together toward Audubon, Vlad has already been there so he'll join me to the Pump in Harahan and I'll continue on my journey. It's great to ride with Vlad he makes me ride faster and we converse on a level I don't get often to . We were discussing potential places to pee along the river. After that we solved the Palestinian , Israeli problem, we figured how to stop the BP oil flow, we cured Iran and North Korea's Nuclear aggression, chose the next Nobel Prize winner and guaranteed world peace eternally. Not to mention finding a place to pee.
I had already went through one small shower , it was cooling and a gift from heaven. Vald turned around and I headed to Audubon, on arrival I was hot and tired, hit the shelter and peed and took a break , filled my empty Gatorade bottle with water, jumped on St Charles and to the quarter we go . Not much traffic, I had my Kevlar vest on so I took Jackson Ave toward the river and pictured Fr Seelos Memorial and Church. A steeple like no other, zillions of bricks, and a tight neighborhood. From there I shot St Elizabeth's on Napoleon on this side of Magazine,
beautiful Angels , plenty detail , have a night pic and a day pic, I didn't know till then it was an Asylum, I tried to check in but they said it's a historic place and the real facility was somewhere else. There used to be plenty of Asylums in the uptown area, if you look carefully you can see the names on the tops of the building that are now condos. Since the advent of Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Lexapro, Wellbruton, Luvox, and others, I don't remember all the names, I've tired them all , now insane people are free to roam around society on bicycles and have jobs and children and no one knows and better. Living through better chemistry, they preached it in the 60's ,
or was that Timothy Leary talking about LSD. Anyway, I ride on . Took more pictures of Our Lady of Good Counsel, plenty brick, molded statues, and in the courtyard a 4 foot statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary, it looks old and there's a plaque behind it , I couldn't help notice she was standing on the planet earth and standing on a serpent, don't see that much any more.
Turned the corner to St Mary street and caught the Half Moon Bar, a rough place in its prime along with Mary's Tavern, the Fun House, and saw some movies at the Happy Hour theatre,
what I was doing on Magazine street in the 60's ? hanging out . I made the next corner on my way to St Charles and I see a group of about 50 riders headed toward Magazine st. I catch up with the prettiest girl and ask her "where we're going", " to the Balcony "she replies. "ok", "I'm headed back to Metairie anyway but I wanted to go to the Quarter first. 'No" she says, its here on Magazine", sure enough they stacked up at the Balcony Bar and Grill on Magazine St. Some of them wore red shirts and others had funny costumes on . I didn't ask any questions , just took my pictures and moved on. Rode Camp St. to Canal St. Picked out a nice refrigerator box for my retirement while I was there. There was a open doorway that looked cozy and safe.
Didn't spend too much time in the Quarter, passed by the old Tempest Club on Bourbon, when I was a very young age I'd go to the movie downtown and take a walk to Bourbon St out of curiosity and I loved the music. the Tempest Club had a barker that stood at the door , he was classic, dark complected, pencil tin mustache, oil in his hair to make it look straight and a hidden Spanish accent. His blue velour jacket always needed his attention plucking off little pieces of lint and crap floating through the air, when he smiled at a lady his teeth put on a show.
He claimed his name was Joe, just Joe , and he'd bark,
NO COVER, NO MINIMUM, STEP RIGHT UP , SEE IT ALL , then he'd open the door and give a peek of the show inside, I'd be standing in the right position to catch a glimpse of usually not much. Joe saw me a few times there and on occasion he'd let me into the foyer of the joint to watch some of the show, the thing I remember most was the odor, the smell, its was ice cold air conditioning , something I didn't smell often, the beer ,booze,cigarette and cigar smoke all combine to make a smell that clings to you, permeates you, your reminded for several days that you were there. Ok, time to ride home , hit Canal Street, rode the street car tracks to Claiborne, the Canal St. All the sights were there to see, Easton, Sacred Heart, St Anthony, the Bus Barn,
the Cemeteries, Metairie Road to West Napoleon , I was hit by a shower, it was welcomed,
I was hot and tired need a cooling off , especially thinking about those wavy strippers at the Tempest. Felt refreshed and sane once home.
Until next adventure . click on the pic to enlarge.
gary
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